Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
