remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She swung at the pinata with crutches
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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