so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
