i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
