He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Boobs are out for the taking
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Randomize
