i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
