Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
