she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize