Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
