I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
