honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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