I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
