In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize