super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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