May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
