One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
