Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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