i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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