I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
