When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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