I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
