i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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