Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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