Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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