I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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