Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need water and some morals
Randomize
