Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
