Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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