I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
