i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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