you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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