this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
