what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
