I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
