there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
