you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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