i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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