You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
