I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The Olympian is in my bed
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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