I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
