dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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