Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
