I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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