Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
