look no pants
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
