i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
They are going to name an STD after you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize