i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
