one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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