i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
