I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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