Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
