you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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