Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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