is wine microwaveable?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
