spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Farmville is her only friend.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
