I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
