a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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