the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
