i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
