Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
