I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
