If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
