So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
