Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i now understand why vodka
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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