I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
