its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
