the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
