I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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