Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
