Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
