I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
