you traded sex for a burrito?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
