; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
