How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize