I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize