going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
