11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
