apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize