Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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