We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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