dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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