i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
