Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
