Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
