Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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