i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just gift wrapped bread.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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