Do you still have your period?
I think I won the penis lottery.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
