just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
