Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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