yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
