hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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