That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize