I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
