which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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