Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
