Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
