apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
