And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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