Will you blow on my dice?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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