I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
zippers are such a cool invention
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I deserve this hangover.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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