oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Randomize
